A Few Questions You Should Ask Your Partner before Tying the Knot

Marrying, without knowing your partner well, is like walking blindfolded on a road. Walking thus, and not meeting with an accident, does not mean that moving with closed eyes is safe. Reckless marriages are always unsafe.

Never Marry in Haste

Every therapist recommends that you should know your mate for at least two years before you decide to settle down in matrimony. My friend married after a dating period that lasted 6 years, yet she hardly knew the flaws in her partner. What matters most is not how long you know your spouse, but how well you know. What the therapist exactly meant was that it takes a couple of years’ scrutiny to know a person inside out.

Appraise Your Partner Carefully

It is human nature to portray our best behaviour in the premarital period. It is hard to decipher personality blemishes in this phase. The real person, who lurks beneath the polished veneer, emerges soon after marriage, and then begins the downtrend of marital life. This does not mean that it is impossible to know a person well in the dating days. Remember that ‘actions speak louder than words.’ Notice how your prospective spouse behaves with friends and other family members. Identify his or her reaction to stressful situations. Pressure unmasks people.

Be wary if your mate is also over-protective and constantly tries to nurse or chaperon you. It is difficult to live long, with those who strive to feel needed. If your partner is also different from you, culturally, economically or in any other radical manner, think twice before you plan to tie the knot. Fundamental differences mar wedded bliss.

Even after observing your partner for long, if you are unable to form a precise opinion, it is vital you delay your marriage till you get a clearer perspective. Unsure marriages are best avoided. A marriage leaves little room for making amends when late realisations dawn in.

Avoid Repenting in Leisure

Find out your mate’s views on religion, children, ageing parents, etc. Make sure that he or she holds no plans to force you into their line of thinking. A marital union calls for a compromise between two people. If one tries to mould or change the other, life gets rocked with conflicts.

However, one vital point worth stressing at this juncture is that before you make attempts to analyse the behaviour of your acquaintance, introspect yourself. Identify your values and beliefs. Determine what is it that you are looking for, from your spouse and marriage in general. I personally visualised my matrimonial home to be filled with lovely pets, and married a person who not only loves animals, but is a vegan too.

Get the details of your partner’s future plans regarding career and job or city relocation. My teenaged friend, who married after the briefest of courtship, presumed her boyfriend would opt for a career change after marriage. Unfortunately, her spouse set sail, and with it her marriage failed. I recollect her instance to stress two important facts. Never marry when you are too young. Teenagers lack the requisite wisdom to make clear judgements. Secondly, never fear speaking your mind out. Marriages cannot withstand vague assumptions.

Incompatibility Breaks Marriages

Dissimilarity in ideas and beliefs, between spouses, is the biggest factor that destroys marriages. However, it is never possible that two people can hold identical views on every subject. Conflicting opinions are bound to arise. Judge how your partner behaves when a difference of opinion springs up in your conversation. Are your arguments vehement? If you are able to resolve your conflicts peacefully, it augurs well for your relationship.

Unknown to you, your mate might also be trying to analyse your behaviour; therefore, never fake your feelings. Most of the marriages fail for partners hide their true self and try to accommodate the viewpoints of the other. After marriage, when they fail to maintain this façade, conflicts arise. If you plan to have a long marriage and lead a happy life, try to know your partner thoroughly, before you reach a decision.

Quite a few people, I know, had married after a courtship that lasted just a couple of months. These people were young, (barely in their 20s) who believed the strength of their love would overcome all odds. After a few years, just some of them were able to sustain their marriage, and even these successfully married people were found advising their children, never to marry without knowing their mate well.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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