Behavior Modification- It IS Possible

Behavior Modification like behavior management & Anger Management is misnamed. People naturally resists being modified or managed. People are a lot like springs: the harder you push the harder they resist. The more correct approach would be Self Modification as a form in a Manualized Cognitive Restructuring Workbook. Cognitive Restructuring if performed properly has the capacity to go deep and adjust incorrect thinking errors and self demeaning behaviors. The following story is one example of cognitive restructuring text.

Amy lived in fear of Cord. She could do no right. He had powerful muscles and whenever he lost control in irate anger, his hand was a lethal weapon that could slay her with one hit. Her 128lb frame was little defense.

Amy stood in the way of his sexual fantasies and yearning for different females. Consequently he would provoke in her the exact behavior that he didn't like in order to excuse his belligerent actions. He had fooled himself into believing that all their troubles were her fault. He was constantly concentrating on her shortcomings while in reality she was a faithful, skilled, educated woman and loving mom.

Amy was one of millions of other women and men entangled in the fog of maltreatment, terrible existence of fear, worry and bewilderment. Unlike damage by an unfamiliar person, tough cords of attachment and subconscious programming keep the abused infinately attached to the abuser in an never-ending ritual of violence.

Domestic violence is a disease �� that is, it is rooted in one�s life. It creates numerous symptoms and, unless the disorder itself is eliminated, the symptoms will continue.

1. Can you name a few of the symptoms or signs of domestic abuse? _____________________________

2. Why is domestic violence more emotionally damaging than violence by a stranger? ___________________________

3. How did Amy get rid of her disease? ____________________________________________________________

4. What occurs when her and women like her do not permanently cut the ties through total separation but stay attached to their abuser? ___________________________________________________________

5. Severing relationships can be very frightening and painful. Why should we avoid judging people who stay in abusive relationships? __________________________________

Those who are abused really need encouragement, not derision. T or F?

6. How should you cut the emotional ties of an abusive marriage? ________________________________________

VALIDATION

To really understand the abyss of domestic violence, an individual must understand the high that comes from interdependency, where the man and the woman are getting their hierarchy of emotional and physical needs fulfilled. Fulfilling one's Hierarchy of Physical needs - air, water, food, clothes, shelter � isn't tricky, but fulfilling a person's emotional needs is another question. Take this test:

On a scale from 1-5, rate your marriage in the last two years.

� Need to be loved - My partner deeply loved me; He/She was always there for me.

� Need to be validated � I was encouraged and praised by my partner. He/She made me feel like a good person.

� Need to be affirmed � I really felt important around my partner; I was making a difference.

� Need to be understood � I could always talk to my partner about anything because he/she really listened; What I said was comprehended.

� Need to be appreciated - My partner really appreciated all that I did for him/her.

� Need to be secure � I had a home where I felt safe and secure.

Total=

Excellent: 30-24

Problem: 23-17

Harmful: 16-6

7. What was your score? ____ Which bracket did you fall into? _________ What does it mean? Does anything need to change?_______________

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Cognitive Restructuring has the ability adjusting faulty thinking. This is an example from a cognitive restructuring text.

Larry Lloyd is the founder of American Community Corrections Institute (ACCI), which sponsors a news blog about criminal behavior and related issues.

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