How Men Can Cope After Divorce

The marriage was a contract between the two of you, and whether you are to blame directly or not, the fact is that you have been left behind. Even if your wife has found a suitable person who she really loves, it means that you were not that good after all. Therefore, you need to shut yourself up and mourn this fact till things have gone even more out of gear.

Letting Go

The first hurdle in the path of the recently divorced man, as the above description shows, is his own ego. If he does not have an ego, that is a problem, too, because it means his self-respect is lacking somewhere. How does one strike a balance then between not looking upon oneself as a loser and at the same time coping with what was obviously a loss? You have to let go, not only of your ex, but of your past in general. The day you stop resenting the divorce is the day you have taken the first step out of the mess. What you have done had to be done, so you have to now take stock of how things are placed and move on with life.

Work and its Importance

Many men miss out on career opportunities because of divorce. This is because they do not give enough importance to their work at that point of time, letting others overtake them, and absenting themselves from work for days. Those who have their own businesses make a greater mess of things as each day of business downtime will be regretted later on. So even if it feels awful, return to work. There are men who have actually managed to go on the rebound after divorce and done better. Channel your emotions into your work, and try to do better than before. You also need to be patient with others. Taking out your anger and frustration by shouting at a junior is neither a solution nor does it add to your dignity.

Money Matters

How have you been affected by divorce? Apart from the emotional blow, there is also the matter of the financial setback. If you have paid a one time lump sum, then it is likely that your savings are not very solid now. If you have gone for a regular maintenance settlement, then you need to plan your finances keeping this recurring expenditure in mind. A divorce makes important changes in other areas such as investments, shares, joint property owned, bill and loan settlement, insurance premiums and pension benefits. A rule was passed six years ago by the British court allowing the husband and wife to manage their pension benefits separately without any of them losing out on it after divorce. However, these rules vary from scheme to scheme and office to office. You need to find out these details and plan your finances accordingly.

Keeping House

Maintaining a beautiful home had never been any man’s forte. You cannot let the lawn run wild and the unwashed clothes pile up forever. After a week or two, you just have to get a hold on the reality of your life alone. Keeping house is not such a huge challenge now, as long as you can use a vacuum cleaner, a washing machine, a microwave and a lawn mower. The first three items will let you take control of life again. Try to make breakfast yourself – coffee, eggs and toast is a great starter to a day. These are the small things that can start making the house feel like a home again.

Keeping Fit

Binge drinking, chain smoking or becoming the proverbial couch potato to watch all those weepy movies will not help you to be a better man. Try to go jogging, take up yoga, go to the gym, and start taking care of how you look. It’s the small things that matter.

The Children

This is a loss that is almost too hard to overcome. When you get the chance to meet the children, make the most of it. Don’t burden them with your sorrow; they are having a hard time as it is. You are still committed to attend their big football match, take them out on the weekend, and be there on the day they graduate. Keep in touch over the net and the cell phone; you have a right to that.

Divorce is looked upon as the greatest failure of their lives by most men. Apart from the deep sense of personal loss, pain and frustration, there is this feeling that you have been marked out as the biggest loser around.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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