How to Handle Conflict in a Relationship

Every relationship at some point in time will find itself in the throes of conflict. It is unavoidable, and honestly you should make no attempt to outright avoid it. Some level of conflict is actually healthy for relationships, but it comes with knowing how far the conflict should go, and how best to manage it. A free for all conflict is not a good idea, but a managed conflict can let off pressure from a relationship that desperately needs it. Here are a few tips on managing conflict in a relationship.

DON'T BE DEFENSIVE
The quickest, easiest way to manage conflict in a relationship is to ensure open and honest communication. This is nearly impossible, however, if you are being defensive and taking it upon yourself to be offended at every possible opportunity whether it is warranted or not. Even if your significant other is trying to insult or malign you, try your best to not take it personally, and don't be defensive.

KEEP THE CONFLICT ON THE CURRENT DISAGREEMENT
It is crucial when trying to manage a conflict in your relationship to never bring up past problems when discussing (or fighting about) a current problem. This often leads to a two-fold effect, where not only has the conflict intensified to incorporate other problems, it rips off the scars of old wounds, which puts everyone on the offensive and fosters little beyond ill will and hurt feelings. Keep an argument focused on the present problem and you'll be okay.

DON'T GENERALIZE
Don't allow yourself to generalize (i.e. the problem with all men is they're dogs, or the problem with all women is they're gold diggers). Instead, keep the conflict grounded in the specifics of you and your significant other.

DON'T TRIVIALIZE
Also, when trying various ways to resolve conflict in your relationship, don't trivialize your partner's point of view, and don't make it seem as though their thoughts, feelings and frustrations have no value, not only because they do have value, but also there is little sense in needlessly hurting your significant other when the point is reconciliation and resolution.

DON'T PUT WORDS IN THE OTHER'S MOUTH
It is vitally important not to assume you know what your partner is thinking or where they are coming from. Take their words at face value and give them the benefit of the doubt. This approach will go a long way toward earning you some good will and will make you look considerate and conciliatory. Conflict management comes from openness and listening.

Conflict is unavoidable. Some level of conflict is actually healthy for relationships, but it comes with knowing how far the conflict should go, and how best to manage it. Here are a few tips on managing conflict in a relationship.

Read more articles on how to manage conflict. Also sign-up to my free relationship communication skills eNewsletter so you effectively deal with verbal fights by going to towerofpower.com.au/free/

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