I Had My Oil Changed Today...

In itself this is not particularly noteworthy, save for the fact that I don't enjoy oil changes and tend to procrastinate as the time approaches. I suspected it would be crowded on a Saturday so I took some of my catch-up reading. It continually amazes me how wonderfully clear our lessons are displayed in the simplest of our daily routines.

Of all the people who waited with me during that hour, two parent/child pairs provided a stunning contrast for me of the fruit of our approaches with our children, and for that matter with one another.

First to enter was a mother with a son about seven years old. It was clear who was in charge from the moment they entered the waiting room. The child exploded into the room shot from guns and Mom trailed along behind, standing resignedly as the boy took the only remaining chair. I bit my tongue fighting the urge to suggest he let his mother sit down. He took in his surroundings and instantly bounded out of the chair and in an attempt to amuse himself bumped and jostled several people in the room.

He was sullen, surly and rude. Mom was apologetic and non-insistent. The one time she corrected his rudeness to her, there was no note of authority in her tone. Clearly, Mom does not know who she is, and equally as clearly, her son does! In the end, they left. Mom did not get her oil changed and the boy got his way.

Moments later, a father and son pair came in. The child was quiet but busied himself in a very "6ish" way checking out the varying perspectives available to him by sitting frontward and then backward in the chair. He bothered no one and stayed contained in the chair, amusing himself quietly. At one point Dad leaned down and very quietly and privately said, "Know what? I love you very much." This was followed by some very quiet interchange I didn't quite catch. Then he said, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

All this was very quiet and the exchange itself was not remarkable, but the tone was so tender, so oriented to fostering a quality relationship, I could not help but smile. As I was busy reading a counseling trade magazine, it was probably clear to everyone what I was smiling at. The tenderness of the exchange moved me nearly to the point of tears.

What does this have to do with us? Plenty! Ask yourself these questions concerning your closest relationships:

1. Do I accept the status quo as being too difficult to change or do I sow toward the desired end?

2. Do I routinely base my actions on what will provide me immediate but perhaps only semi peace, or do I take the time and additional effort to do what works in the long run.

3. Am I concerned with appearances or am I concerned with substance and quality?

4. Do I walk in love at all times, even if that requires tough love and perhaps some inconvenience for me?

5. Do I allow fear to dictate my actions?

The father and son who drew my smiles had clearly been cultivating a relationship all along. As far as they were concerned their sojourn in that less than comfortable waiting room was an opportunity to spend time together. Instead of waiting for the perfect "setting," they used what they had. For all they knew, these two might have been sitting at the end of a pier fishing in some idyllic setting – they were together and that's what mattered.

Mom, on the other hand, was uncertain of the outcome from the moment she and her boy walked in. It was something to be endured (or not) until she could get junior home and gain blessed relief by plopping him in front of the TV or a video game. She is sowing to the future just as surely as Dad was with his boy.

Let's not make the mistake of seeking respite in the short run by forsaking the long run. Sowing is not always an easy chore but reaping a fine harvest is well worth the effort on the front end. And make no mistake, when it comes to relationships or any kind, the harvest will be great - - either a field overgrown with briars and brambles, painful to walk through, or a field rich with golden grain. And it can all take place in a cold and grimy waiting room on a Saturday afternoon.

Copyright (c) 2007 So-lu'shunz Leadership Services

If you keep your eyes open, life is full of useful lessons, even in the midst of a Saturday afternoon oil change.

Karin Syren, CTACC, is a Strategic Planning Coach. Using her EffectivenessCoaching Model(TM) for strategic planning, she works with those desiring to gain leadership of their lives, increasing effectiveness by guiding them through learning to live more powerful and significant lives. Discover what makes you unique and effectively form your future around it. Contact Karin through her website at http://www.solushunz.net

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