Personal Development & Happiness Tools: Fixing festering emotional pain, Part 2

Introduction: What’s festering inside you?

Even if you think you are happy, you might have some toxic emotions hidden inside you, some of them for years. Any personal development quest or a search for happiness requires a seeker to deal with this, and the exercise in this article will yield some surprising results. Find the first article at the Urban Monk website.

The Tools: Checking deep inside yourself

Get into a habit of doing the exercise described below regularly; at the end of every day if you have time; otherwise at the end of a week. The stresses of everyday life are personally one of the ways that this pain comes back in. Another reason I’ve found would be your environment; physical discomfort or extreme heat, for example.

1. The first step to this is to find a quiet space. You might want to be alone or with a trusted person.

2. Take a few deep breaths. If you watch your breath, you won’t even need to make it purposely deep. Just observe it, feel the air as it enters your nose and goes down your airways into your lungs. It’ll naturally enter deep into your belly. Practise this for a minute or two, until your emotions settle and you are calm and quiet.

3. Allow yourself to feel safe. For some, gazing at yourself can be scary. Know that while it might be difficult, it is nothing you cannot handle, and the results are worth it.

4. Now just invite anything to come into your space. It could be flashbacks, bodily sensations, or an emotional sensation, or a voice expressing what you feel. Most likely it is there already, but you have not noticed it.

5. Don’t fight it. Accept it. Let any emotions bubble up to the front. If you have to laugh, cry, or rage, then do so. Do not suppress it. Let it run until the charge is spent.

6. Once you’ve come out of it, you might want to write down what you experienced or relived.

Feeling fine? Or do you think you know what you are upset about?

Give this exercise a shot even if you feel fine. There might be some hidden current of sadness. If you are upset and you think that you know what you are upset about, try it anyway. It only takes a few minutes.

It might help to know what others went through in this exercise. A few weeks ago I tried this again after a long period of emotional work, and feeling on top of the world. Surprisingly I discovered a deep sadness still inside me. This exercise cleared out the remaining sadness.

Another time I did this exercise was when I was consciously upset over a recent relationship break-up. I thought I knew the reason I was upset – loneliness and a broken heart – but as I discovered, relationship break-ups often trigger older feelings, such as abandonment and hurt. Doing this exercise brought back several childhood memories, long forgotten or repressed, that were multiplying the hurt. Identifying them it allowed me to make much headway in clearing out the cobwebs.

Since then, I’ve done quick checks on myself throughout the course of a normal day, whenever I remember to. Sometimes I don’t even have to do it alone; quick checks can be done anywhere – for example if you are in a traffic jam or waiting in line at the bank.

What to expect

These quick checks often reveal bodily sensations. Sometimes it reveals tightness in the chest or neck, or a heat, or a dark heavy feeling. Often minor sensations will disappear simply because you have accepted it and begun slow breathing. Stronger emotions run deeper and will require continued work and will have to wait until you can go somewhere you can spend time alone.

Take action!

Don’t procrastinate, do this exercise if and when you remember; it’s a lot better then living on in misery. You’re on your way to mastery!

Do you think you are happy? There might be some toxic emotions that linger inside you unnoticed. Any personal development quest or a search for happiness requires you to deal with this. This series gives innovative and practical information on how.

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Copyright © Albert Foong 2007

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