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The Art of Raising and Disciplining Children

By: Emily Bouchard

Ideally, parenting small children would involve a completely flawless move from the pure and precious baby phase to the helpful and dependable child. The truth is, high expectations usually fall apart even before the Terrible Two's. Inevitably, the heavenly baby turns into a strong willed little individual who hungers after independence although they are ill equipped, psychologically or developmentally, to successfully handle it. And it's absolutely understandable that mothers and fathers worry about doing the right thing amid the downpour of friends offering their opinions and the over supply of parenting books covering the bookshelves. Greater complications arise when dealing with blended families because each parent desires to raise their children in a particular way.

As stated by 2 parenting specialists, Foster Cline and Jim Fay, the fundamental rules for great parenting, starting with babies as young as six months old, are:

1. Set concrete limits with enforceable statements

2. Permit the child to choose and experience natural consequences of his or her choices. This parenting style, called a "Consultant", consistently teaches kids that they must think for themselves from a very young age, and serves them well throughout their teenage years and into adulthood.

As my granddaughter went from her father's home to her mother's, she would often get confused about the rules of behavior she was expected to live by for each house. While she was able to get away with throwing tantrums and manipulating at her father's house, she encountered clear expectations and boundaries from her mom.

A kind reminder from her mother, such as "Oh! I think you may have forgotten about your choices in this home" would often result in a transformation from grumbling and demanding to showing respect and adopting a cheerful attitude - her mother was happily surprised at what a difference being a consistent consultant made, even though her dad used a completely different strategy in his house.

It's never too early to start setting restrictions and allowing kids to be taught from the logical consequences of choices. The joy of parenting takes lots of practice. Here are some areas where you can begin setting foundations of raising responsible, thinking, cooperative children in your blended family:

1. Consistent Bedtime- Decide on a bedtime and a consistent routine which directs your child to her bedroom with the firm expectation that she'll stay there, quiet down and fall asleep.

2. Help With Meals- Set up a weekly mealtime where everyone contributes from a list of food choices and preparation jobs and clean up. Have the smallest children pick from the easiest jobs to create the feeling that they are valued and have responsibility.

Every parent wants to raise responsible, self-confident, happy children, and although it's hard to imagine getting serious about this when they are only babies or toddlers, it's essential to expose them to the logical consequences of their behavior. Once they have the ability to understand the link between personal behavior and the responses of their mother and father, it's time. This occurs somewhere between the ages of 7-9 months.

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[Article Source: http://www.positivearticles.com]

Anyone who's been a mother or father will tell you that parenting isn't easy. This is especially true in blended families. Nevertheless, it is possible to raise cheerful, responsible children no matter what their other parent teaches them.

Emily Bouchard, has over 18 years of experience in working with children and families dealing with adversity. She has a Master's Degree in Social Work and a Bachelor's degree in Child Development. Emily is also a caring stepmother to two young women who were teenagers when she entered their lives. She publishes a free Blended Families newsletter.

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