What to Do About Judgments

What do you do when you feel like judging your partner? It is very tempting to indulge this impulse to judge your partner. So first, you will have to be convinced that judging is not to your benefit, since the ego thinks it is. Are you convinced that love is more important than having your partner be the way you want him or her to be? Are you committed to love more than to your conditioning? The ego will opt out of relationship or try to change the relationship rather than choose love, but will you? Will you give in to the temptation to judge and remain separate or will you choose love? It is up to you to make this choice whenever a judgment arises.

It is useful to see that the ego gets something from judging. It gets to feel superior, right, and separate. It takes pleasure in feeling this way. Notice that this pleasure is the payoff for judging. If there were no payoff, it would be easier to stop judging than it is. Notice the self-righteousness and superiority you feel when you find something to criticize in someone. This is what you get in exchange for love. Is it worth it? because you can’t have both.

Once you are convinced that love is worth passing up this payoff, you will have to catch the judgments before they are spoken. You will have to be aware enough to notice that conditioning has been triggered and that a choice needs to be made to either give the conditioning your attention or not. If you give it your attention, the result will probably be a judgment. If you don’t, the result will likely be love. Here is an exercise that will help you with your judgments:

Practice just letting the judgment be there without doing anything about it. What is that like? This may feel uncomfortable and even unrewarding at first. Your ego will struggle and squirm and try to find a way around this. Eventually, doing this will pay off in love, but you may need to just trust this at first while this habit becomes more established.

Notice what happens when you just let a judgment be there. Does the ego come in and try to talk you out of just letting it be? Does it offer a more concealed judgment or one that sounds a little nicer? Do feelings come up that create pressure to speak the judgment? What kinds of feelings most often arise? Can you just let them be there too without doing anything about them? They are also part of your conditioning.

Although you are responsible for what you do with your conditioning, you aren’t responsible for the fact that it is there. It is just the programming you were given. Seeing this will help you detach from it and not act on it.

Even if you don’t feel loving in the moment that you turn away from judging, your partner will appreciate your act of love, and your relationship will benefit from the accumulation of these small acts of love. In time, you will come to see how worthwhile it is to choose love instead of judgment, and it will become automatic to do this.

Nothing is ever lost in choosing love. Your judgments never worked anyway. They only created anger, hurt, and separation. When you see the truth of this, it becomes much easier to choose love over judgment.

Judgments are a problem. They are constantly arising, and they harm our relationships and make us feel bad about ourselves. What do we do with our judgments, which seem so meaningful and true but cause so much pain?

Gina Lake has a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology and over twenty years experience as an astrologer and a channel. She is the author of several books, including Radical Happiness and Return to Essence. Gina is available for astrological and channeled phone consultations that support awakening and living a conscious life. For more info, to order her books, to read excerpts, or to download the free e-book: Radiance: Experiencing Divine Presence, please visit http://www.radicalhappiness.com.

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