Margaret Meloni's Articles in Leadership - Self Improvement Articles from PositiveArticles.Com

Margaret Meloni's Articles in Leadership

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Conflicted Priorities Equal Conflicted Behavior It was 4:45pm and the requirements review meeting had already gone fifteen minutes beyond the scheduled end time. Joe was becoming agitated. He needed to get out the door at 5:00 pm exactly in order to pick up his daughter from soccer practice. The meeting was not showing any signs of wrapping up. He let out a big sigh. Finally Joe blurted out “Who cares if the report displays in landscape or portrait format, just list the fields you need on the report and move on." Skills You Can Learn You have probably either heard me say (or read an article where I have reminded you) that you can develop your emotional intelligence. Perhaps you have also read an article where I remind you that you can adapt your conflict resolution approach and while you cannot control difficult people, you can control your own behavior. You can learn the best way to deal with your jerk at work. Mitigate the Risk Called YOU Sometimes your behaviors support you and sometimes they do not. The key is to identify the supporting behaviors or opportunities so that you can use them more and to identify the behaviors that are damaging or the threats so that you can learn to prevent them. Sending and Receiving The responsibility for communication does not reside with just the sender or just the receiver, it is a joint responsibility. YOU are a Risk Each day you bring strengths and weaknesses to work. You walk into the room (virtual or otherwise) with what makes you unique. Or as the saying goes, wherever you go, there you are. That is a good thing. It is all of the elements that make you, well you; that differentiate you from others. You cannot escape yourself, but you can GROW yourself. Off Your Game? “Jason, did you know we were waiting for you in the conference room down the hall?” Jason looked up from his desk and then at the clock and realized that yes he did know. Somehow he just forgot. Do the Right Thing “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” Mark Twain Of course people are not surprised when YOU do the right thing. More often than not you are the person who does the right thing. How do I know this? Where Are You Coming From? Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “I have no clue what this person is talking about.” Maybe you even have specifically thought, “Where is this person coming from?” You were not questioning their place of origin. What you were questioning was their perspective. If you occasionally question the perspective of others, doesn’t it make sense that people occasionally wonder where you are coming from? Is it Worth It? You are probably not surprised this comes from me. Yes, this is one of those points that I just will not give up. Perhaps you have sayings that you like to use or expressions that your family, friends and co-workers expect to hear from you. I guess this is one of mine. Your Boss is Human This just in, you report to a human being! Whether or not she lets you see her human side or not, she has pressures, stresses, fears, and insecurities just like you do. So don’t think for a minute that just because someone has a director or a vice-president in their title that they have no worries. 9 Tips for Navigating YOUR Office Party It’s that time again, peace on earth and good will to all. Or at least it would be if you were not worried about those darned office parties. What are they anyway? Are they work or are they parties? Here are some tips to help you navigate the maze of professional pitfalls that lurk behind that innocent invitation to celebrate with your co-workers. Culture is Everything Too often I have worked with people who have joined a new organization only to crash and burn. Too often a complete and total disregard for organizational culture has played a part in this unfortunate scenario. Here is what NOT to do: How to Be Wrong I need to tell you something. I hope you don’t mind. You see, what I have to tell you might not be something you want to know. But here goes, “You are not always right.” This is my polite way of telling you that sometimes you are wrong. It’s OK. Believe it or not, we all are wrong about something. People Do Not Leave the Company “I disliked working with those people so much that I don’t even know if I hate doing this for a living or it was just those people at THAT place.” - Anonymous You have probably heard the expression, ‘people do not leave companies, people leave people.’ Well it is true. Think about some of the jobs you have left. Your decision to leave may have been based on the fact that you were stuck working for someone who you just could not tolerate. Decisions “We can’t retract the decisions we’ve made, we can only affect the decisions we’re going to make from here.” As said by actor Jamie Foxx in the movie, Law Abiding Citizen. There is some wisdom in this particular quote. Once you make a decision (and acted upon it), your decision is out there. You cannot take it back. Decisions, Decisions “Tom I really think that when there is a technical decision to be made, it makes perfects sense for you to delegate the decision to Simon. After all he is our technical lead.” Marilyn chimed in, “I agree with Jacob. I think the trick is that you need to make it clear that you trust Simon to make the call.” Tom was once again meeting with Jacob his business analyst and Marilyn his subject matter expert. In a prior meeting they had told Tom that his decision making style was not effective. That was a Decision, Really? Tom was not surprised when Jacob and Marilyn asked for a private meeting with him. He had a hunch that some of the team was displeased with him. He thought of Jacob and Marilyn as ‘unofficial’ team leaders. They seemed to be the two people who his team members looked to for professional guidance. Tom had mixed feeling about his upcoming meeting with the two of them. Please, Make a Decision Over lunch, Jacob and Marilyn discussed some of the frustrations they were experiencing on one of their current projects. Jacob was a business analyst on the project and Marilyn was the subject matter expert. Jacob turned to Marilyn and said to her, “If you could say just one thing to Tom our project manager, what would it be?” Without hesitation Marilyn replied, “Please, make a decision.” Unfortunately Jacob and Marilyn both viewed Tom as wishy-washy... Stop Wasting Time So there you are in line at the grocery store or the hardware store or the bank. It could be anyplace really. You could be on hold waiting for a customer service representative or waiting for a meeting to begin. You have time on your hands, what do you do with that time? I Already Know That! “I already know that.” Now there is a phrase that does not encourage conversation. In fact if someone approaches you to speak with you and you hit them with an “I already know that”; you might as well say “Go away” or “I don’t care what you think”. You just killed the conversation. Hairs Looking at You Kid There I was, brand new on the project, replacing a project manager who had vanished into thin air. I was beginning to envy him his vanishing act. I could see that the project had been ridiculously under estimated. Oh and I had been told I would not be assigned to run any client projects until after three to four months of home office training and assisting other project managers. On my very first day of work I was transferred immediately to a client site. Avoid Communications Chaos We have so many different ways to communicate with one another. We can pick up the phone and call using either a land line or a cell phone; we can send an email or a text using our computers or our various handheld devices and we can ‘tweet’ and ‘friend’ and make all kinds of connections AND we can still send a written note on an actual piece of paper. Does having all of these options make communications easier? Not necessarily. The Art of No *“The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes.”* – Tony Blair No is not always negative. It is not a bad or incorrect response. Saying no does not make you a difficult or uncooperative person. Saying no is more honest than a false yes, Likeability There is a saying in the English language, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Let’s put aside the obvious question, who wants to catch flies? Please Interrupt Yourself You know that interrupting someone when they are speaking is really rude. If you have children you have probably worked very hard to teach them to say “Excuse me”, before they break into conversations. What about interrupting you? I wish you would. Narrow YOUR Focus, Increase YOUR Impact I do not know about you, but every once in a while when I think about all of the different causes I could join I start feeling overwhelmed. We have so much to do for our planet, our creatures and our people. Where do I start? Don’t Be a Jerk to a Jerk Sometimes you find yourself working with someone and no matter how kind and compassionate you try to be, you still think they are a jerk. Keeping Others Down "As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might." Marian Anderson This is so obvious when you think about it from a physical perspective, but holding someone down (even mentally or emotionally) requires you to keep yourself lower to the ground (again mentally or emotionally) too.. Be Skeptical But Learn to Listen Be skeptical but learn to listen. This seems like an interesting agreement to use in navigating today’s world. By agreement I mean a treaty or contract that you have made with yourself. I can’t take credit for this idea; it comes from ‘The Fifth Agreement’ by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Don Jose Ruiz. Whether you acknowledge it or not you use agreements in each aspect of your life – personal and professional. Right now let’s focus on how being skeptical can help you. Be Skeptical Be skeptical but learn to listen. This seems like an interesting agreement to use in navigating today’s world. By agreement I mean a treaty or contract that you have made with yourself. I can’t take credit for this idea; it comes from ‘The Fifth Agreement’ by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Don Jose Ruiz. Whether you acknowledge it or not you use agreements in each aspect of your life – personal and professional. You believe that you cannot write or that you cannot handle stress. These are agreement When to Be Aggressive Is an aggressive communication style always bad? Sometimes it appears that much of the information about aggressive styles or dominant personalities is presented using fairly negative words. Or is it that I interpret these words as negative? Here is a list, what do you think? What Could Happen When you are facing a difficult decision sometimes the best thing to do is to sit back and analyze the potential outcomes from your decision. What path will each outcome create for you? Trace that path to its natural termination. Are you OK with this path? In other words: If you do X, what is the worst thing that could happen? Now, what is the best thing that could happen? Are you prepared for both scenarios? 5 Tips to Keep the Peace this Holiday Season Did you blink? Here it is again, another holiday season! Do you love this time of year or do you dread it? Perhaps your feelings are a bit mixed. Your holiday experience can be really upsetting, tiring and stressful OR your holiday season can truly be one of peace and joy. The choice is up to YOU. Your thoughts and actions during this time will define your holiday experience. You cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, but you can take control of your own thoughts and actions. Think of this time of year as an opportunity, an opportunity to continue to grow and strengthen your ability to treat yourself and others with compassion and respect. How? Here are five tips to get you through this season in peace and not in pieces. The Big Cover Up All of a sudden Sam had that ‘I think I forgot something feeling’, the feeling that makes some of us feel just a little bit sick to our stomachs or perhaps brings on a cold sweat. Then he realized what it was, he had completely forgotten to tell his project steering committee about the change request that the branch office had given to him when he visited their facility two weeks ago. The branch manager’s administrative assistant had handed him a hardcopy as he was leaving for the airport. Sam had placed the change request into a folder full of papers, jumped into a cab and promptly forgotten about it. Charity Begins at Work You may have heard the saying, “charity begins at home”. The idea is that before you take care of others you take care of those who are closest to you first. Don’t give away your last dime if you have no money to feed your own family, don’t give away your time and energy to others if your own family is waiting at home for your time and energy. Today I would like to propose to you an updated version of this expression, one for our professional lives – “charity begins at work.” There are many ways that you can put “charity begins at work” into practice, let’s examine a few. YOUR Time Question, what is the resource that you cannot acquire more of? Do you think it is money? Do you think it is a specific type of skilled labor or a certain type of raw material? NO! Although you or your company might be feeling financially challenged you can find ways to earn money, you can find labor and other resources. The answer is T-I-M-E, TIME! It is Not Just the Language Three travelers were on a tour when they became separated from the rest of the group. They found themselves alone in a strange area of a strange land. They each spoke a tiny bit of English but did not speak the language of the area and other then their little bit of English they did not share a common language. They did all agree that they were hungry and they agreed to pool their money to purchase some food. This is when the arguing began. One traveler kept insisting on a specific food item, no one else wanted that item. Another traveler argued that the item he was suggesting was the most affordable. And so it went. Finally a man approached them. Compassion is not a Weakness Some people believe that compassion and especially compassion in the workplace is a form of weakness. Perhaps they think that survival of the fittest in the corporate jungle leaves no room for something like concern for other people and their feelings. March ahead, take no prisoners! Yet report after report shows us that those who have a high degree of emotional intelligence come out ahead at work. It Starts with YOUR Attention The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises and if that person is in dire need, then empathic concern can come. You want to help them, and then that begins a compassionate act. So I'd say that compassion begins with attention. > - Daniel Goleman It seems like some days the most difficult thing for us The Little Things DO Count “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” - Leo Buscaglia Have you ever started to pay someone a compliment or to say something nice to them and then stopped yourself? Why did you stop? Thinking Alike or Not Thinking? It sure is easy when everyone agrees with you and tells you what you want to hear. But sometimes what we want to hear is not what we NEED to hear. This is when you need a dose of conflict or opposition or a contrarian. Unless you and all of your ideas are absolutely perfect 100% of the time, it is unusual for everyone to agree with you. If they do, is it because they are afraid to tell you what they really think? Are YOU Playing to YOUR Strengths? “Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work be perfect? Changing Your Mind “Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” - John Kenneth Galbraith Have you ever watched someone put enormous time and energy into proving why they were right? I am talking about the kind of person who just cannot let it go. Would the REAL You Please Stand Up? Mary Carol read the email from Tisha and was really annoyed. She had just met with Tisha yesterday and everything seemed fine. Now here was this really harsh email. It made no sense. The most puzzling thing was that working with Tisha was like working with two different personalities all wrapped up into one person. Things to Do Today: Ask for Help “Go ahead and tell me the steps you will take to complete this assignment.” This is the question that none of my early supervisors ever asked me on the job. And boy was I relieved that they never asked this question. Why? Pick Up the Sword? That’s it YOU have had it. You are tired of dealing with that person. THEY are always doing things on purpose to make you look bad. THEY are always doing things on purpose to get on YOUR nerves. Well it is time to do something, so YOU are going on the attack. For the purposes of our conversation you are not planning a physical attack. This is the workplace and let’s assume an office environment. Your form of attack looks something like this: 3 Ways to Deal with Differences "There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish..." Mary Parker Follett The above quote is an ideal reminder that there are multiple ways to deal with conflict. Is there a bias being displayed about the best way to resolve a conflict? Choose YOUR Battles “Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part of me wonders, ‘is this discouraging me from thinking big?’ New Ideas “There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow… “ CHRISTOPHER MORLEY Wow now isn’t that the truth? Here is another excellent opportunity to sharpen your conflict resolution skills. What Difference do Differences Make? You have worked side-by-side with your team for quite some time and the good news is that it has been truly enjoyable. You get along, you work hard together and you laugh hard together. Lucky you, this might even be an example of a high performing team. You assumed it was because you had so much in common.
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