Margaret Meloni's Articles in Leadership - Self Improvement Articles from PositiveArticles.Com

Margaret Meloni's Articles in Leadership

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Conflicted Priorities Equal Conflicted Behavior It was 4:45pm and the requirements review meeting had already gone fifteen minutes beyond the scheduled end time. Joe was becoming agitated. He needed to get out the door at 5:00 pm exactly in order to pick up his daughter from soccer practice. The meeting was not showing any signs of wrapping up. He let out a big sigh. Finally Joe blurted out “Who cares if the report displays in landscape or portrait format, just list the fields you need on the report and move on." Skills You Can Learn You have probably either heard me say (or read an article where I have reminded you) that you can develop your emotional intelligence. Perhaps you have also read an article where I remind you that you can adapt your conflict resolution approach and while you cannot control difficult people, you can control your own behavior. You can learn the best way to deal with your jerk at work. Mitigate the Risk Called YOU Sometimes your behaviors support you and sometimes they do not. The key is to identify the supporting behaviors or opportunities so that you can use them more and to identify the behaviors that are damaging or the threats so that you can learn to prevent them. YOU are a Risk Each day you bring strengths and weaknesses to work. You walk into the room (virtual or otherwise) with what makes you unique. Or as the saying goes, wherever you go, there you are. That is a good thing. It is all of the elements that make you, well you; that differentiate you from others. You cannot escape yourself, but you can GROW yourself. Do the Right Thing “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” Mark Twain Of course people are not surprised when YOU do the right thing. More often than not you are the person who does the right thing. How do I know this? Where Are You Coming From? Have you ever looked at someone and thought, “I have no clue what this person is talking about.” Maybe you even have specifically thought, “Where is this person coming from?” You were not questioning their place of origin. What you were questioning was their perspective. If you occasionally question the perspective of others, doesn’t it make sense that people occasionally wonder where you are coming from? Is it Worth It? You are probably not surprised this comes from me. Yes, this is one of those points that I just will not give up. Perhaps you have sayings that you like to use or expressions that your family, friends and co-workers expect to hear from you. I guess this is one of mine. Your Boss is Human This just in, you report to a human being! Whether or not she lets you see her human side or not, she has pressures, stresses, fears, and insecurities just like you do. So don’t think for a minute that just because someone has a director or a vice-president in their title that they have no worries. 9 Tips for Navigating YOUR Office Party It’s that time again, peace on earth and good will to all. Or at least it would be if you were not worried about those darned office parties. What are they anyway? Are they work or are they parties? Here are some tips to help you navigate the maze of professional pitfalls that lurk behind that innocent invitation to celebrate with your co-workers. Culture is Everything Too often I have worked with people who have joined a new organization only to crash and burn. Too often a complete and total disregard for organizational culture has played a part in this unfortunate scenario. Here is what NOT to do: How to Be Wrong I need to tell you something. I hope you don’t mind. You see, what I have to tell you might not be something you want to know. But here goes, “You are not always right.” This is my polite way of telling you that sometimes you are wrong. It’s OK. Believe it or not, we all are wrong about something. People Do Not Leave the Company “I disliked working with those people so much that I don’t even know if I hate doing this for a living or it was just those people at THAT place.” - Anonymous You have probably heard the expression, ‘people do not leave companies, people leave people.’ Well it is true. Think about some of the jobs you have left. Your decision to leave may have been based on the fact that you were stuck working for someone who you just could not tolerate. That was a Decision, Really? Tom was not surprised when Jacob and Marilyn asked for a private meeting with him. He had a hunch that some of the team was displeased with him. He thought of Jacob and Marilyn as ‘unofficial’ team leaders. They seemed to be the two people who his team members looked to for professional guidance. Tom had mixed feeling about his upcoming meeting with the two of them. Please, Make a Decision Over lunch, Jacob and Marilyn discussed some of the frustrations they were experiencing on one of their current projects. Jacob was a business analyst on the project and Marilyn was the subject matter expert. Jacob turned to Marilyn and said to her, “If you could say just one thing to Tom our project manager, what would it be?” Without hesitation Marilyn replied, “Please, make a decision.” Unfortunately Jacob and Marilyn both viewed Tom as wishy-washy... Likeability There is a saying in the English language, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Let’s put aside the obvious question, who wants to catch flies? Don’t Be a Jerk to a Jerk Sometimes you find yourself working with someone and no matter how kind and compassionate you try to be, you still think they are a jerk. Keeping Others Down "As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might." Marian Anderson This is so obvious when you think about it from a physical perspective, but holding someone down (even mentally or emotionally) requires you to keep yourself lower to the ground (again mentally or emotionally) too.. Be Skeptical Be skeptical but learn to listen. This seems like an interesting agreement to use in navigating today’s world. By agreement I mean a treaty or contract that you have made with yourself. I can’t take credit for this idea; it comes from ‘The Fifth Agreement’ by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son Don Jose Ruiz. Whether you acknowledge it or not you use agreements in each aspect of your life – personal and professional. You believe that you cannot write or that you cannot handle stress. These are agreement When to Be Aggressive Is an aggressive communication style always bad? Sometimes it appears that much of the information about aggressive styles or dominant personalities is presented using fairly negative words. Or is it that I interpret these words as negative? Here is a list, what do you think? 5 Tips to Keep the Peace this Holiday Season Did you blink? Here it is again, another holiday season! Do you love this time of year or do you dread it? Perhaps your feelings are a bit mixed. Your holiday experience can be really upsetting, tiring and stressful OR your holiday season can truly be one of peace and joy. The choice is up to YOU. Your thoughts and actions during this time will define your holiday experience. You cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, but you can take control of your own thoughts and actions. Think of this time of year as an opportunity, an opportunity to continue to grow and strengthen your ability to treat yourself and others with compassion and respect. How? Here are five tips to get you through this season in peace and not in pieces. The Big Cover Up All of a sudden Sam had that ‘I think I forgot something feeling’, the feeling that makes some of us feel just a little bit sick to our stomachs or perhaps brings on a cold sweat. Then he realized what it was, he had completely forgotten to tell his project steering committee about the change request that the branch office had given to him when he visited their facility two weeks ago. The branch manager’s administrative assistant had handed him a hardcopy as he was leaving for the airport. Sam had placed the change request into a folder full of papers, jumped into a cab and promptly forgotten about it. Charity Begins at Work You may have heard the saying, “charity begins at home”. The idea is that before you take care of others you take care of those who are closest to you first. Don’t give away your last dime if you have no money to feed your own family, don’t give away your time and energy to others if your own family is waiting at home for your time and energy. Today I would like to propose to you an updated version of this expression, one for our professional lives – “charity begins at work.” There are many ways that you can put “charity begins at work” into practice, let’s examine a few. It is Not Just the Language Three travelers were on a tour when they became separated from the rest of the group. They found themselves alone in a strange area of a strange land. They each spoke a tiny bit of English but did not speak the language of the area and other then their little bit of English they did not share a common language. They did all agree that they were hungry and they agreed to pool their money to purchase some food. This is when the arguing began. One traveler kept insisting on a specific food item, no one else wanted that item. Another traveler argued that the item he was suggesting was the most affordable. And so it went. Finally a man approached them. It Starts with YOUR Attention The act of compassion begins with full attention, just as rapport does. You have to really see the person. If you see the person, then naturally, empathy arises. If you tune into the other person, you feel with them. If empathy arises and if that person is in dire need, then empathic concern can come. You want to help them, and then that begins a compassionate act. So I'd say that compassion begins with attention. > - Daniel Goleman It seems like some days the most difficult thing for us The Little Things DO Count “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” - Leo Buscaglia Have you ever started to pay someone a compliment or to say something nice to them and then stopped yourself? Why did you stop? Are YOU Playing to YOUR Strengths? “Oh no, here we go again” thought Joe as his Quality Assurance Analyst Heidi approached him with his memo, complete with typos circled in red ink. He was not really annoyed by Heidi, she was just doing what she does; he mainly felt embarrassed. After all as the leader shouldn’t all of his work be perfect? Changing Your Mind “Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” - John Kenneth Galbraith Have you ever watched someone put enormous time and energy into proving why they were right? I am talking about the kind of person who just cannot let it go. Would the REAL You Please Stand Up? Mary Carol read the email from Tisha and was really annoyed. She had just met with Tisha yesterday and everything seemed fine. Now here was this really harsh email. It made no sense. The most puzzling thing was that working with Tisha was like working with two different personalities all wrapped up into one person. Things to Do Today: Ask for Help “Go ahead and tell me the steps you will take to complete this assignment.” This is the question that none of my early supervisors ever asked me on the job. And boy was I relieved that they never asked this question. Why? Pick Up the Sword? That’s it YOU have had it. You are tired of dealing with that person. THEY are always doing things on purpose to make you look bad. THEY are always doing things on purpose to get on YOUR nerves. Well it is time to do something, so YOU are going on the attack. For the purposes of our conversation you are not planning a physical attack. This is the workplace and let’s assume an office environment. Your form of attack looks something like this: 3 Ways to Deal with Differences "There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish..." Mary Parker Follett The above quote is an ideal reminder that there are multiple ways to deal with conflict. Is there a bias being displayed about the best way to resolve a conflict? Choose YOUR Battles “Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. “ Jonathan Kozol: On Being a Teacher, 1981 Truthfully I do not know if I completely agree with the above quote, I bring it to you anyway because part of me thinks, ‘well this makes sense, I want to pick battles I can win’; but part of me wonders, ‘is this discouraging me from thinking big?’ What Difference do Differences Make? You have worked side-by-side with your team for quite some time and the good news is that it has been truly enjoyable. You get along, you work hard together and you laugh hard together. Lucky you, this might even be an example of a high performing team. You assumed it was because you had so much in common. Bringing it ALL to Work I remember it like it was yesterday. I still remember this supervisor looking at me and yelling, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WOULD NOT CHOOSE THE MINISTER?” Don’t Give in Without a Fight Sometimes conflict cannot be avoided and that is not a bad thing. When you and your team or you and a colleague resolve a conflict together, you build a better working relationship. When I say to you, ‘Don’t give in without a fight’; I don’t mean go have an ugly nasty altercation. I mean don’t just back down when you have a disagreement, don’t avoid a healthy debate and don’t give in because it feels easier or you think it is the peaceful thing to do. All that People Stuff “I am too busy doing the work to worry about all that people stuff”, said one of my students. “I am busy managing the project and updating the schedule and budget and making sure people don’t miss their deadlines, you know – doing the real work”, he continued. Can You Schedule Conflict? Recently we have discussed steps to take to when you decide to step in and step up to conflict resolution. In ‘You Decide to Resolve a Conflict’ Part I and Part II one of the underlying assumptions was that you had time to plan your actions and the steps you would take to resolve the conflict. All of that is really great when you can plan to face a conflict in advance. But some of you might be saying to me, “But conflict can’t be scheduled.” You Decide to Resolve a Conflict, Now What? – Part II In You Decide to Resolve a Conflict, Now What? we discussed some steps to take when you decide to step in and help resolve a conflict. These steps were designed to help you when you know in advance that you will be facilitating resolution. Today we are going to build on those steps by looking at how to lead the team through a productive conflict resolution session. Can YOU, SHOULD YOU, help resolve the conflicts around you? Maybe you've mastered conflict resolution and you like to help others. Maybe you are the one that others come to for help when they have a conflict or you work in an environment where conflict occurs regularly. But somehow you find yourself stepping in and helping to resolve the conflicts around you. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? It depends. Can't We All Just Get Along No, we cannot all get along all of the time. It is unrealistic to think that all team members will absolutely agree with you or with each other all of the time. If every time you are together, there is never any disagreement, look out - you have problems. Sure, maybe the first time you meet you are on your best behavior. But if this persists, perhaps you have a tendency toward getting along. Collaborating Over Conflict Mary Carol had a difficult decision to make. Her team had an important and risky system upgrade to complete. The upgrade definitely needed to occur over a weekend. The schedule was tight and many of the team members felt that the upgrade should occur over an upcoming holiday weekend. This would give them extra time just in case the upgrade did not go smoothly. Other team members hated this idea and were rebelling against the idea of giving up a weekend plus a Monday holiday. Should YOU AVOID Conflict? Most of the times you do not want conflict to go unaddressed. It is your job as a leader to ensure that your team engages in healthy and productive conflict and to make sure that conflict is not ignored. After all desperately hoping that an issue will just go away is a great way to turn a small issue into a gigantic problem! Then why is avoiding conflict is one of the recognized modes of conflict resolution? How Am I Supposed to Do That? “Margaret, you share with us these great tips for treating people with compassion. You make sense when you remind us that other people’s behavior is about them. But how are we supposed to really do this in the real world? Especially when someone is right in my face and I just want to yell at them?” Not only is that a fair and honest question, it is one I hear frequently. Use Compassion to Overcome Conflict A little compassion can go a long way. Imagine for a moment that one of your co-workers comes into the office late and in a bad mood. You have been waiting for them because you need their input to finish writing a proposal for a customer. You walk into their office and they snap at you, “What do YOU want?” What do you do? Conflict and You Do you and the people you work with share the exact same beliefs, perspectives, priorities and goals? Probably not. Hmmm, I guess that means you are going to experience conflict. Conflict is a condition in which people’s concerns appear to be incompatible. In fact since you and your co-workers are not intellectual and emotional clones of one another, conflict is inevitable. Conflict is a natural byproduct of our environment. Knowledge and Wisdom "Knowledge is learning something new every day. Wisdom is letting go of something every day." --Zen Proverb As with most Zen proverbs, the quote above is both complicated and simple. The concept is beautiful in its simplicity. You can benefit by learning something new every day. You can benefit by letting go of memories and beliefs that are not serving you. How Did That Feel? Mary Carol arrived at the hospital too late, Lydia had just died. Mary Carol and her co-workers all knew that Lydia was dying. Lydia had been fighting cancer for several months and unfortunately she did not respond to the treatment. Mary Carol was coming to say goodbye. She said her good byes and helped the family as best she could. Then she placed a call to Gina. Mary Carol worked for Gina and so had Lydia. What’s Your Motivation? Jane had a tough decision to make. She had two strong candidates for her former Director of Software Development position. Newly promoted to CIO (Chief Information Officer) Jane needed to backfill her old position quickly. This was the first decision she would make in her new role, so selecting the right candidate was truly critical. Are You in Control? The scene below depicts Jane and her behavior while in a bad mood. In this potential scenario Jane is being really hateful: “Do you think you could stop surfing the web long enough to get me a latte? I would hate to think your horoscope for the day includes bad customer service.” For some reason, snapping at the coffee house barista made Jane feel just a bit better. Jane slammed some money on the counter and waited for her coffee. When it was ready she picked it up and marched out of the coffee What is EQ and Why Do You Care? EQ is the acronym for Emotional Intelligence. So not only do you and I have an IQ (Intelligence Quotient), we also have emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is not about traditional intelligence. It is about our ability to handle ourselves and others. It is all about our ability to get along with others and build relationships.
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