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Tim Knox's Articles in Humor

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  • Women Entrepreneurs Prove It’s Not Just A Man’s World
    Women are increasingly more active in starting new businesses. Top growth of their businesses indicates skills that are noteworthy for other women and men.
  • Women Are From Where?
    A remote control in the hands of a woman is a dangerous thing, especially when it's her man she's trying to change.
  • Who Cracked My Crystal Ball?
    Predictons for the new year as foretold over a beer and Polish sausage sandwich
  • Which Affiliate Programs Do I Personally Recommend?
    I personally receive over a dozen checks and commission payments every month from various affiliate programs that I promote. Last month, those checks totaled more than $10,000 and some months they have been as high as $25,000. Given my success as an affiliate marketer, I'm often asked what affiliate programs I personally recommend. The answer is easy because it's actually a pretty short list.
  • When Great Minds Meet
    When the richest man in America meets the world's greatest Elvis impersonator, you know only good things could come of it. Could 'Don't Be Cruel' really become Microsoft's new theme song?
  • What’s Stopping You From Starting Your Own Small Business?
    Some people simply don't have what it takes to start your own business. Others just need a bit of kicking to jumpstart them.
  • What's my mama gonna say?
    I know you're going to find this hard to believe, but I, Tim Knox, am a sexist pig. Sorry, mama. I had no idea.
  • What Would You Do With A Second Chance?
    You could avoid the mistakes you previously made and build on the successes you previously enjoyed. You could nurture the positive relationships and avoid the bad. You could tap into your wealth of experience during times of indecision and always know where and when your time and money would be best spent.
  • What Makes A Good Leader? Ask Uncle Sam
    In a recent study conducted by the Army War College, subordinates of the major generals who are leading the war efforts in Iraq were asked to rate the performance of their superiors
  • What Do Your Business Emails Reveal About You?
    Why should you worry about how your emails are reviewed by their recipients? Because in business, you are constantly being judged by your customers, your employees, your investors, your partners, and your peers.
  • What Can American Idol Teach You About Business?
    Here are some tips for entrepreneur that can help them to achieve their dreams and be successful in business.
  • We Don’t Need No Stinking Permits
    Unless you’re renting simple office space odds are you will need to make some modifications to the space, be it adding walls, flooring, paint, electrical, plumbing, or any combination thereof.
  • Use Email Marketing To Keep Customers Buzzing About Your Business
    Email marketing can be used as an effective tool for communicating with customers. Its is an effective medium of communication to boost sales by ensuring that your customers constantly remember you.
  • Time To Sign A Lease; Get Your First Born Ready
    We’ve been discussing the steps required to open a brick and mortar store. We’ve talked about startup plans and finding a location. This week we look at what comes next in the process: the negotiation and signing of one of the most dreaded legal document any entrepreneur will ever face: the commercial lease (insert scary music here).
  • Thingamabobs And Whatchamadigits
    My daughter cornered me the other night, wanting to know about the birds and bees. Actually, she wanted to know what "sectional misconduct" was.
  • The Unsinkable Tim Knox
    I call them 'Ti-taniacs.' They look perfectly normal at first, but eventually they will ask, 'Have you seen 'Titanic' yet? That's when their dimentia rolls to the surface and the all-out assault begins
  • The Tax Man Cometh
    Someone once said the only things in life that are certain are death and taxes I think the only difference between the two is that death claims you just once, but taxes can kill you every year.
  • The Tanya Factor
    Is it me or are the '98 Winter Olympics about as exciting as watching old people speedwalk at the mall? What's missing this year? Could be The Tanya Factor
  • The Smarter White Meat
    A college professor at Penn State is trying to teach pigs to communicate using computers. I think this guy is one pork rind short of a full bag. Who wants to get email from a pig?
  • The Sky Is Falling
    When you turn on the TV and learn that a giant, killer asteroid is headed your way, you have to ask yourself certain questions. Like, should I have that second bowl of Crispy Hexagons or just stop at one?
  • The Religion Of Football
    Here in Alabama, there are three kinds of people: Crimson Tide fans, War Eagle fans, and atheists.
  • The Real McCaugheys
    They sing, they dance, they drive the kids wild. But how best to describe the Teletubbies to the uninitiated? Imagine this: if Pink Floyd produced a half-hour show for kids, this would be it. And you would enjoy it immensely.
  • The Process For Becoming An Entrepreneur
    Many people want to start a new business but know little about what they are in for. This article can be a great resource for such people.
  • The New Fab Four
    They sing, they dance, they drive the kids wild. But how best to describe the Teletubbies to the uninitiated? Imagine this: if Pink Floyd produced a half-hour show for kids, this would be it. And you would enjoy it immensely.
  • The Intelligent Diaper
    I believe it was Frank Zappa who said, "Necessity is the mother of invention," which means that if there is a need for something, sooner or later, someone will invent it. And then Microsoft will rip it off.
  • The Four Letters Between PG & R
    When you're a kid, there are certain words you dare not say. Swear words, my mother called them, cuss words. Today, my kids call them "daddy words." You can probably figure out why.
  • The Entrepreneur's Checklist
    I was asked the other day what personality traits I thought were important to entrepreneurial success. I immediately gave my preprogrammed reply about passion and dedication and hard work. After taking some time later to ponder the question a little deeper (I normally operate in shallow waters), I came up with a more detailed checklist for entrepreneurial success.
  • The Dust Settles On Miss America
    The Miss America Pageant is taking its last breath. Will the mourners have to wear swimsuits to the funeral, or will evening gowns be enough?
  • Staying Alive
    If someone offered you a pill that would add 50 years to your life, would you take it? Not me. At least not until I found out who'd be footing the bill for all that extra life.
  • St. Viagra's Dance
    The impotency drug Viagra has every old person I know talking about having sex again. All I have to say is, 'Folks, please, not in front of the children!
  • Sometimes Life Just Ain't Funny
    Alabama weather is about as predictable as watching The Jerry Springer Show. You know something's going to happen, you're just not sure what it will be.
  • Some People Will Eat Anything
    Most people are like Mikey, the old Life cereal kid. We are nondiscriminating carnivores who will eat anything -- especially if it can be made to taste like chicken
  • Some Guys Have All The Luck
    Recent studies claim that the less educated you are, the more sex you have, and the more sex you have, the longer you'll live. Sure gives new meaning to "Live long and prosper!"
  • Smoke 'em If You Can Afford 'em
    What's the difference between a $30 cigar and one that costs fifty cents. The answer begins with cow poop.
  • Show Me The Money
    The stock market could crash like a circus fat lady falling over a lawn chair and it wouldn't affect me in the least. All my money's tied up in bills; electric bill, phone bill, Visa bill etc.
  • Please Don't Buy Anything From Me
    This week I had one customer threaten to hunt be down and shoot me like a dog. Another said that if she could get her hands around my neck she'd strangle the life out of me. And still another sincerely hoped that I "burn in Hell for all eternity." What did I do to deserve these threats
  • Pick On Somebody Your Own Size
    Mattel's redesigning Barbie to make her more realistic. Imagine Christy Brinkley going in, David Brinkley.
  • Operator Error Is Why Most Businesses Fail
    This is the column that probably gets me kicked out of the entrepreneurial chapter of the Priory of Scion. I look silly in those long robes anyway, so here goes. A thousand apologies to my entrepreneurial brothers and sisters, but. I think the more important question is: do businesses fail or does the entrepreneur in charge of them fail? I have to be honest and tell you that I think most business failures must be laid at the feet of the person in charge.
  • No Sale Like A Yardsale
    Remember, it's not how much you spend at a yardsale, but how much you talk them down
  • Never Say It Can’t Be Done
    In business one must never say or assume that something can't be done. With a little help from ingenuity and creativity any problem can be easily solved.
  • Mastermind Your Way To Business Success
    While I’m a firm believer in goals, I’m not a big believer in New Year’s resolutions; mainly because it has been my experience that most resolutions are repeated year after year and forgotten by the time we sober up on January 2nd.
  • Like Books, Entrepreneurs Are Always Judged By Their Covers
    Enterpreneurship requires not just hard work and knowledge of business but also a number of other things that are many times not considered too important. Grooming yourself to look good is just one of these things that enterpreneurs need to focus on.
  • Learn To Focus On What’s Important and Farm Out The Rest
    Outsourcing your mundane tasks to focus only on the essential tasks is the best way to organize your business. The results are great not just for you but also for your business.
  • Learn To Avoid Ugly Baby Syndrome
    Last week we talked about creating a "Startup Plan" for your new business idea. To catch you up, a Startup Plan is a detailed list of tasks and subtasks that must be completed in order to get you from the initial idea stage to opening day and beyond.
  • It’s Not All About Location, Location, Location
    Last time we met I brought you the tale of how I scouted for and eventually found what I considered to be the best retail location for my new retail gunshop in my hometown of Madison.
  • Is Business Ownership In Your Future?
    Anyone who wishes to start a business must first do a lot of self assessment and planning otherwise the business venture may flounder easily.
  • If You Clone A Schizophrenic
    Scientists have successfully cloned a sheep and a cow. What's next? Dogs? Cats? Professional wrestlers? Me? And if you clone a schizophrenic, how many people do you get?
  • I Was Rooting For
    Who was I rooting for in the Iron Bowl? Sorry, if I tell you, I'll have to kill you
  • I Love You, You Love Me
    Barney The Dinosaur is suing The Famous San Diego Chicken for beating up a Barney lookalike during his act. Sounds like a clear case of costume envy to me.
  • I Hope You Kept The Receipt
    Will it be something from Victoria's Secret or another beefstick this year?

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